Ocho-puss

I knew something was to blame-- some nefarious freewheeling menace outside my jurisdiction of responsibility was out to get me. We're just not safe you know, without helmets, vaccines, supplements and regulations.

For some time I'd been wondering why I wavered from ecstatic to mournful to perplexed to grateful to contented to enraged to mournful to pleasant. That's when the doctor diagnosed me as Octopolar.

Thank goodness that Merck, the ever generous biopharmaceutical giant, had graciously donated research funding to uncover this disease. Incidentally--they also had a remedy for it!!

I'm sure this malignant mentality was genetic, but my parents were deprived of the powers of modern medicine that could have pinpointed such illness. Hell, back then they didn't even know there was good cholesterol!

Nonetheless, I myself now have a way to lead a productive, normal life, outside the horrific ring of octopus wrestling.

Thank you Merck!!!