Wednesday, December 22, 2004

Time Waits for No Man- er, uh...Person.

To quote Time magazine in a recent article, Ten Things We Learned About Blogs,
"Blogs wouldn't be such a democratic medium if they weren't so easy to set up."

What? Not so fast there. Blogs are easy to set up and they are a medium of free speech (so far), but what's up with the slippery democracy reference snuck in there? Was it to subtly coax powerless voters into believing that democracy is alive and well? Don't get me wrong- I'd trust the content of Time magazine with my life. They've only just chosen George W. Bush as Person of the Year. Probably all the publication needs is the folllowing instructions printed somewhere:

Deposit $3.95. Load brain. Select regular wash cycle. Allow full spin. Remove laundered brain. (More stubborn ideals may require soaking first in Fox News).

Time for a better quote.
Ever heard of H.L. Mencken? He wrote most of his work from 1920-1940, but as the following quote will show (your honor), he possessed an uncanny knowledge of events destined to unfold in the year 2004. Known as the most prominent newspaperman, book reviewer, and political commentator of his day, Henry Louis Mencken had this to say:

"As democracy is perfected, the office of president represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron."
H.L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)

The Time has Come.

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

Sleeve Notes

Found this in the Sportsman's Guide Online, your one-stop shopping site for everything you need to act the part of Hunter-Fisherman-Farmer. Actually, in their defense, they claim to appeal to the "outdoorsman"- a term that I suppose includes anyone from a day-hiker to a husband locked out of the house for cleaning his gun at the kitchen table.
Getting to the point, it is this very store that has finally addressed the long overdue need for a "businessman" to pass himself off as a "rocker":

Businessman by Day, Hard-core Rocker by Night!

Trade in the suit for something a bit more laid back. Simply pull 'em on and these look like your arms are sleeved with tattoos. But at the end of the night, pull 'em off and you're ready for the office again. They're made of stretchable fabric with full color designs of skulls, python snakes, devil woman... and more.
Size Large / XL fits most. Get a pair ONLINE today!

Can you spot the businessman in this picture?!

What would any self-respecting businessman looking to kill deer want with faux tattoo sleeves? None of your goddamn business!
He's just had a full-salaried day of eating shit through a tube handed him by upper management, and now he's gonna cut loose. Hellbent on kicking out the jams, he's hitting the town tonight to pound some beers with Jimmy from Shipping and Receiving. Outta his way- 'cause shit rolls down hill, bro! No, I don't want no martini, dude- you see these tatts!?... Gimme a freakin' Corona!

That was a display of rather low morale, so let's let's do a little team-building and raise the bar here:
Why don't you businessmen just go ahead and push the envelope by requisitioning yourselves a pair of these bad-boys, at the end of the day? Think outside the box already and step up to the plate for a full-court press. The synergy's killing me!

All right, catch-and-release time. Look- it's pretty clear that something's a little fishy, a little gamey here. Everybody knows that if you're a businessman by day and you wanna be a hard-core rocker by night, that all you need to do is buy a Harley or Metric Cruiser (what they're called now that you can't say Jap bikes, overseas parts, or offshore fasteners, unless you're a war vet.) Bam- you get instant cred, good until the Hells Angels show up. So, what's with the sleeves? I smell a rat, but don't even check the trap, Clyde, 'cause I weren't born in a barn yesterday.

Businessman- come off it! This advertisement is no more than a duck decoy intended to distract the greenhorn reader from the true purpose of this product. When's the last time you made a living off shooting moose, snagging carp, or trapping muskrat? Exactly. An outdoorsman's got to pay the rent, fella! Well, in keeping with the stretch fabric theme, just accessorize the Businessman-by-day, Hard-core Rocker-by-Night Tattoo Sleeves with a Businessman-by-Day, Skiier-at-Night Mask, and you got yourself a night job, boy. But no one's going to announce they're selling the Businessman-by-day, Holdup Man-by-Night Kit now, are they?

That's right, detective. Play back the security cam footage all you want- nobody's ID'ing me. Go scour the rocker bars for the guy with all the ink... shake down the local ski hills too, while you're at it.

Businessman, Hard-core Rocker.......
Sure. I'm no idiot.

Friday, December 10, 2004

A Pound, an Ounce, Anagram

Toyota in the witness protection program

First time I've seen this variation. Seen Toy, seen Yo, but never seen the Maori Warrior/Happy Gene Simmons face before. So I tip my hat to the "GATE GUY" (his personalized plate) but I wish him busier times in his various roles of fixer, affixer, or keeper of the gate.
Takes me way back to the rotted-out 68 Mustang I had at age 16. I switched/discarded the MUSTANG letters on the trunk 'till they said G U T S, in what I believed to be an act of divine guidance, all the while fearing everyone else would do the same. But, to this day I've rarely seen car logos bastardized, and I'm kind of disappointed. Not counting the Toyota trucks, the only other sightings have been:



...but that's what I get for living in West Hollywood.

Here's a few closely-enough related tidbits I lifted from

TOUAREG is an anagram for - OUTRAGE

I wonder how well the ROLLS-ROYCE SILVER MIST sold in Germany, given that, in German, "MIST" means "MANURE."

The Mitsubishi PAJERO is sold in Spain under a different name because in Spanish vernacular it means something like WANKER.

Buick recently had to change the name of the LaCROSSE in Canada because it is French-Canadian slang for, (ahem) MASTURBATION.

And finally, my favorite, which may or may not apply to their unrequested contribution to the SUV pile :

VOLVO is Latin for "I ROLL".

Wednesday, December 08, 2004

My Bible Senses are Tingling

In case you haven't noticed, there's more than a little evil out there- we're fightin' a whole Axis, for Christ's sake! Things could not be more timely for Bibleman.

Although he's apparently been around for 10 yrs, and Lord knows how many years wandering around in the desert before that, he's got a video series, video game, and a daily scripture email for the kids. He's on tour, as we speak, coming to a church near you, and holy mass manipulation Bibleman, he may be able to explain why we're in Iraq!

Say Uncle Jesus!

Bibleman's one hell of a chrome-suited, light saber brandishing dude as you can see, not adverse to dishing out an old fashioned bible thumping if need be. He even hangs with Bible Girl, who sports a pretty fit and righteous breastplate, but there I go with the coveting. Thank God we don't have him paired up with some Bible Boy-Wonder in a same-sex scenario- I mean, you know- if it ain't behavior blessed by the president...

Thy appetite hath made thee whole.

Anyway, why the bejesus did they discontinue the Bibleman action figure? Who's the drunkard in charge of marketing? Any fool worth his daily bread could see that it would be easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than to fail with this toy. Let's get the goddamn thing back out there- the resurrection! I'll tell you just how this Bibleman thing should play out:

Lo and behold, the new Bibleman Action Figure!
No stone was left unturned in the creation of this toy.

God is not just on our side- He's in the details!

With superhero cape made from our proprietary Get-Thee-Behind-Me Satin, and waist cinched with trademark Bible Belt, Bibleman is ready to crusade!

Incredibly AfterLife-like!!!

Lions?? Bring it on!!!

Be it Muslims, other misguided foreigners, or just citizens lacking moral values, Bibleman comes with everything you need to wage war and justify it!

Just look at these features!!!

Holy Roller Skates
Patented Turn-the-Other-Cheek neck action
Automatic Day-of-Rest shutoff switch
WWJD Handbook (not available in French)

But wait- there's more! Order before Christmas 2005 and we'll also throw in our Almighty Adapter Kit that allows you to quickly convert any nonsensical religion to Christianity.

Don't be the last on your block to get one- Don't let your friends be Holier-than-Thou! - ORDER NOW!

What the DEVIL are you waiting for?!

Thursday, December 02, 2004

You have to laugh- otherwise you'd just f&*$ing cry

Now that GWB is in the house (still) and we're relegated to only four more years of war, suffering, and a quantum leap backwards in evolution, what better time than to have a laugh, eh?

There's alot of funny and furious stuff out there to put on your bumper or your chest if you'd only just get on one of the internets and have a looky-there.

Click on this sticker, which I found most pleasing, and gave it a "5" on the "likelihood your car will be keyed" scale, only because most people won't get it, and probably just resume daydreaming about last night's episode of The Apprentice.

And here's a current favorite,

that's available in sticker or T-shirt format. I'd give this an "8" on the scale and wouldn't recommend you park in the Hooters lot with it.

So y'all get out there and spread the outrage, the giggles, given all the free time you have now that democracy's dead.

Thursday, November 04, 2004

Metaphysical White House Cleaning

I think I see a way out of this. Since the Voting Game didn't produce the desired winner, or some would even say contestant, other options might have to be explored. There's an ad on the back page of the LA Weekly for "Metaphysical Housecleaning." Upon checking out the website,, I felt eerily guided into sharing this, with the hope of freeing the White House from evil and persistent beings that have taken up residence there. Here's what caught my eye.....

Please click on the header to be directed to the proper e-mail form.
I have negative energy in my home.
I have a negative or bothersome spiritual or vibrational problem in my home (or other local). It is causing me problems, misery, loss of money, oppression, etc. I need this energy removed from my environment.

I believe I have a bothersome or negative SPIRIT in my house.
I have seen or felt things that lead me to suspect that there is a human spirit here, and there may also be a bad general atmosphere. I need this spirit removed from my house, never to return.

Now, steel yourself- I ain't making this up.....

I am being abused
These are the calls from people who are being abused, starved, whipped, beaten, or generally horribly abused by a human monster. I lick my lips for these jobs. After talking to the person long enough to establish what is going on, when I hear that they are given nothing to buy food so must go steal it to survive, and that that same man who does not give them a quarter for food beats them every night, I go into dark mode and I will usually pound the man on the spot, or instruct the callers how to pound him. These are technically other service calls, but any time I get an e mail with this in the subject line I go to it first. THIS IS A FREE SERVICE. This may seem like a wierd service for me to offer, but part of the foundation of my spiritual life is my guardian angel, and my guardian angel happens to be the force in nature who is the power who protects women who are being abused by men. Therefore, I must follow in her path and help people who are under unreasonable abuse. I especially want to help women who are being abused. I LIKE TO RID HOUSES OF HUMAN MONSTERS TOO!.

Doesn't it sound to you like we could get this cleaning done for FREE? I think the abuse the world is under from these dark entities in the White House is fairly unreasonable, but I feel too uncertain and intimidated to approach Spirit Busters, due to the following excerpt....

Some price changes or arrangements might be made only for people who are in very bad shape and are truly poor -- but please don't try to trick me, I spent four years seven days a week as an internet psychic, and the trick will soon reveal itself!

So many things to fear- will we ever regain our power??!!!!!

Tuesday, November 02, 2004

SHIT- The Give and Take

Shit- some say it rolls down hill, and some can give it but not take it.
On this very election day, more seem to give a shit than ever. But one man is prepared to take it- The Doody Dude. I ain't shittin' you.
I spotted his piece of shit truck the other day rolling down Sunset Blvd, and OK- it's really your dog's shit he's prepared to take, but a guy's gotta start at the bottom, doesn't he?
Now, my Hollywood neighbors can take even less responsibility for their dogs, and use them purely for the sidewalk networking/matchmaking they were intended for.
The Dude abides....and he claims to be #1 in the #2 business, which means he's the shit, yo.
Check it!

Tuesday, October 05, 2004

Stooping to the Cellular Level

Don't make the same mistake I did. Do NOT see the movie "Cellular."
Because I was on a date where the time at which we saw a movie became more important than the movie itself, I DID.
Kim Basinger stars in this 90 minute fecal streak of a film and it is here where I proceed directly to my point.
At first I was struck by her appearance. Her face was overly oiled or moisturized, presumably to make her skin seem younger; but it was shiny, distracting and creepy for some reason.

Shiny happy people

The insidious reason is this:

Those crafty media puppeteers, controlled, of course, by the protagonists of your choice- Illuminati, Big Brother, whatever- have pulled a sly one on us. Any rookie conspiracy theorist who knows his obelisk from his phallus could tell you they love to flaunt their hidden agenda through symbols.
Well, while the presidential debate/distraction rolls on and fails to discuss the real reason for the Iraq war, the powers that be have poked a little fun at us by giving it up.

The real reason for the war is written all over Kim Basinger's face....... It's the Oil!
Yes, they're rubbing our faces in it.

At once, this film, thinly veiled as idiotic, brain-numbing shite, reveals itself as a clever, disturbing flip-off to us all. Certainly, there are other factors at work here that complicate issues and probably lead to more of a combination-skin symbology.

Look for T-Zone- a new sequel to the Terminator movies, putting your governor to work soon.

One Man Dared to be Complex

Monday, September 27, 2004

To Clutter is Human, to Organize is Divine

I encountered this the other day on my commute through Hollywood. A woman that looked to be in her 50's, or even older-enough-to-know-better, was sporting this magnetic sign on her truck door. She was Dee Saar, Space Diviner, offering Organizing Services.
At first I figured it must be a Feng-Shui thing, but then my friend Stevel (known by his Halloween costume as the lesser of two Evels) suggested that she's probably just doing closet organizer consulting. What secrets might spring forth from the closets of West Hollywood residents?

Seems wacky- gets worse...

Her sign read, " a member of NAPO," with a reference to their website:
I checked it out- it's the National Association of Professional Organizers- Los Angeles Chapter. This page shows the "Specialty Types" that fall within their association, including anything from helping those with Attention Deficit Disorder, to performing Word Processing or facilitating Disaster Preparedness. And, yes- Closet Organizing was in there.
I dare you to find a weaker, looser connection between virtually unrelated businesses.
But why "Space Diviner?"
Correct me any time, but I thought a Diviner was someone capable of foretelling, or even affecting the future. So a Space Diviner might, then, be able to provide us with glimpses into the probable outcome of the next Mars landing, no?
Say she peered ahead and foresaw the astronauts contracting highly contagious illnesses- you know- they'd cough alot and we'd worry we'll catch it when they return.
She could very well go down in history as the woman that brought us
Dee Saar's Epidemic, but then who am I to divine?

Tuesday, September 14, 2004

Stardom Achieved!!!

Yes, I've been awarded the Turquoise Star- the honor bestowed by E-bay when a user achieves a feedback rating of 100. Now when I sell anything a turquoise star will show beside my username (see chart below for the rocky road yet ahead).
It's difficult not to gloat. They just emailed me a special certificate to display, wished me success while I continue to shoot for the stars, and stated they would be cheering me on.
I'm really at a loss for words right now but would like to thank all of those who have made this possible: my Mom and Dad, my closest friends, girls I've recently dated, the guy up the street who said "have a good one", and the Baby Jesus.
I promise you all I will remember who gave me my start, and remain unchanged by success.
In case you couldn't see this big day coming, go to my profile and click on the foreboding audio clip.

Stars are awarded to eBay members for achieving 10 or more feedback points. Here's what the different stars mean:

Yellow Star (1st star) = 10 to 49 points
Blue Star (1st star) = 50 to 99 points
Turquoise Star (1st star) = 100 to 499 points
Purple Star (1st star) = 500 to 999 points
Red Star (1st star) = 1,000 to 4,999 points
Green Star (1st star) = 5,000 to 9,999 points
Yellow Shooting Star (1st star) = 10,000 to 24,999 points
Turquoise Shooting Star (1st star) = 25,000 to 49,999 points
Purple Shooting Star (1st star) = 50,000 to 99,999 points
Red Shooting Star (1st star) = 100,000 or higher

Wednesday, September 08, 2004

[--Consensus Programming--]

if (your dream = group dream)
then [your dream
= "Reality"]

if else (your dream
> group dream)
then [your dream
= "Hallucination"]

Quake 'n' Bake

Pretty bloody hot weather here in L.A. Some say it's earthquake weather; some say that for an educated adult to even say such a thing is ridiculous. Looks like we failed to materialize the quake that was predicted to have happened east of L.A. by Labor Day:
Whether it's just around the corner or not, an interesting email is circulating again (originally July 2000) with earthquake survival techniques that challenge those recommended by the American Red Cross. In fact, it's all over the web and has elicited a counter-response from the Red Cross. They claim the contrary techniques do not wholly apply to the better built structures here in the U.S., and maintain that "Duck and Cover" is still the optimum approach. And, besides, they say, "it's easier to teach."
Smells a little of ass-covering to me.
Here's the article:
Or check out the ARTI website:

And here's the Red Cross email:

Recently it has been brought to my attention the an email from Doug
Copp, titled "Triangle of Life," is making its rounds again on the

Internet. This message, below, originally distributed on July 14, 2000,

remains the same. Its content has been reviewed by the U.S. Geological

Survey and the Federal Emergency Management Agency for concurrence.

"Drop, Cover, and Hold On" is CORRECT, accurate, and APPROPRIATE for use

in the United States for Earthquake safety. Mr. Copp's assertions in

his message that everyone is always crushed if they get under something

is incorrect.


July 14, 2000

Recently, the American Red Cross became aware of a challenge to the

earthquake safety advice "Drop, Cover, and Hold On." This is according

to information from Mr. Doug Copp, the Rescue Chief and Disaster Manager

of American Rescue Team International (a private company not affiliated

with the U.S. Government or other agency.) He says that going

underneath objects during an earthquake [as in children being told to

get under their desks at school] is very dangerous, and fatal should the

building collapse in a strong earthquake. He also states that "everyone

who gets under a doorway when a building collapses is killed." He

further states that "if you are in bed when an earthquake happens, to

roll out of bed next to it," and he also says that "If an earthquake

happens while you are watching television and you cannot easily escape

by getting out the door or window, then lie down and curl up in the

fetal position next to a sofa, or large chair."

These recommendations are inaccurate for application in the United

States and inconsistent with information developed through earthquake

research. Mr. Copp based his statements on observations of damage to

buildings after an earthquake in Turkey. It is like "apples and

oranges" to compare building construction standards, techniques,

engineering principles, and construction materials between Turkey and

the United States.

We at the American Red Cross have studied the research on the topic of

earthquake safety for many years. We have benefited from extensive

research done by the California Office of Emergency Services, California

Seismic Safety Commission, professional and academic research

organizations, and emergency management agencies, who have also studied

the recommendation to "drop, cover, and hold on!" during the shaking of

an earthquake. Personally, I have also benefited from those who

preceded me in doing earthquake education in California since the Field

Act was passed in 1933.

What the claims made by Mr. Copp of ARTI, Inc., does not seem to

distinguish is that the recommendation to "drop, cover, and hold on!" is

a U.S.-based recommendation based on U.S. Building Codes and

construction standards. Much research in the United States has

confirmed that "Drop, Cover, and Hold On!" has saved lives in the United

States. Engineering researchers have demonstrated that very few

buildings collapse or "pancake" in the U.S. as they might do in other

countries. Using a web site to show one picture of one U.S. building

that had a partial collapse after a major quake in an area with

thousands of buildings that did not collapse during the same quake is

inappropriate and misleading.

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), which

collects data on injuries and deaths from all reportable causes in the

U.S., as well as data from three University-based studies performed

after the Loma Prieta (September, 1989) and Northridge (January, 1994)

earthquakes in California, the following data are indicated:

Loma Prieta: 63 deaths, approximately 3,700 people were injured. Most

injuries happened as a result of the collapse of the Cypress Street

section of I-880 in Oakland.

Northridge: 57 deaths, 1,500 serious injuries. Most injuries were from

falls caused by people trying to get out of their homes, or serious cuts

and broken bones when people ran, barefooted, over broken glass (the

earthquake happened in the early morning on a federal holiday when many

people were still in bed.)

There were millions of people in each of these earthquake-affected

areas, and of those millions, many of them reported to have "dropped,

covered, and held on" during the shaking of the earthquake. Therefore,

we contend that "Drop, Cover, and Hold On" indeed SAVED lives, not

killed people. Because the research continues to demonstrate that, in

the U.S., "Drop, Cover, and Hold On!" works, the American Red Cross

remains behind that recommendation. It is the simplest, reliable, and

easiest method to teach people, including children.

The American Red Cross has not recommended to use a doorway for

earthquake protection for more than a decade. The problem is that many

doorways are not built into the structural integrity of a building, and

may not offer protection. Also, simply put, doorways are not suitable

for more than one person at a time.

The Red Cross, remaining consistent with the information published in

"Talking About Disaster: Guide for Standard Messages," (visit states that if you are in

bed when an earthquake happens, to remain there. Rolling out of bed may

lead to being injured by debris on the floor next to the bed. If you

have done a good job of earthquake mitigation (that is, removing

pictures or mirrors that could fall on a bed; anchoring tall bedroom

furniture to wall studs, and the like), then you are safer to stay in

bed rather than roll out of it during the shaking of an earthquake.

Also, the Red Cross strongly advises not try to move (that is, escape)

during the shaking of an earthquake. The more and the longer distance

that someone tries to move, the more likely they are to become injured

by falling or flying debris, or by tripping, falling, or getting cut by

damaged floors, walls, and items in the path of escape.

Identifying potential "void areas" and planning on using them for

earthquake protection is more difficult to teach, and hard to remember

for people who are not educated in earthquake engineering principles.

The Red Cross is not saying that identifying potential voids is wrong or

inappropriate. What we are saying is that "Drop, Cover, and Hold On!"

is NOT wrong -- in the United States.

The American Red Cross, being a U.S.-based organization, does not extend

its recommendations to apply in other countries. What works here may

not work elsewhere, so there is no dispute that the "void identification

method" or the "Triangle of Life" may indeed be the best thing to teach

in other countries where the risk of building collapse, even in moderate

earthquakes, is great.


Rocky Lopes, PhD

Manager, Community Disaster Education

Preparedness Department

American Red Cross National Headquarters


I love it when they say, "a private company not affiliated with the U.S. Government or other agency."
Yeah- the government- my first choice for truth.

Well, before we go, check out the triangle of life refuge in this photo (no, forget the fireman!). It's so spacious it's more like a rectangle, ain't it?
Remember this if you're caught in traffic around tall buidings or underpasses during a quake. Get next to the SUV/truck with the most obnoxious lift-kit and enjoy the show.

Tuesday, September 07, 2004

Party T.J.Style

This Quote of the Day from the O.G.- Original Government.
Ah-the way we were.....

"I never submitted the whole system of my opinions to the creed of any party of men whatever, in religion, in philosophy, in politics or in anything else, where I was capable of thinking for myself. Such an addiction is the last degradation of a free and moral agent. If I could not go to Heaven but with a party, I would not go there at all."

Thomas Jefferson

Wednesday, September 01, 2004

YOGA in L.A.

Let me be the first to admit that I do yoga. My defence, however, is that I've been doing it daily for almost 20 yrs, and at home. Getting inappropriately biblical, This delivers me from fad-ism, But leads me not into modesty.

Anyway, I've been intrigued by the current fascination with yoga. It's quite something to consider women in L.A. charging along in their SUV's, on the phone, on the horn, not signalling, cursing others, en route to yoga class.
Such at-oneness, compassion, detachment; such higher focus.

It's only natural that new interpretations for the time-honored yoga postures would evolve, with an emphasis on today's lifestyle.
They're not as esoteric as you'd think. We've all seen people lane change incorrectly by not performing The Twist posture first. How about that woman who failed to focus on The Wheel? Lord knows we've had our fill of guys driving like The Cock while on The Phone (sorry). Regrettably, few of them advance to higher union with The Tree, or detach from The Bridge.
Below are examples of a few of the modern renditions I've encountered. Onward progress!

The Headstand

The Plough

The Sideways Crow

The Sponge (Hindu- The Corpse)-group variation.

Los Angeles Quotes- From the Respected and the Drunk.

"Tip the world over on its side and everything loose will land in Los Angeles."
Frank Lloyd Wright

Now, I'd say that's from a respected source.

It brings me to another quote gleaned from a few drinks at the Beauty Bar in Hollywood. Another patron laid this one on me during an otherwise forgotten conversation:

"Los Angeles is the last major city in the world to be civilized."

Anonymous or not, it sounds authentic, and using it either makes one appear up on his history of the world, or, goddamn it, he's seen the place!

That one is usually food (and drink) for thought whenever the LA bashing begins. It never fails to spiral downward into impassioned rants against rude, mindless drivers, inconsiderate pedestrians, general lack of culture, and specific proof of idiocy.

Oh how we malign the one we love.

So let's leave with this one- positive or negative, it's pregnant with promise:

"There is science, logic, reason; there is thought verified by experience. And then there is California."
Edward Abbey

Monday, August 30, 2004

An 8-Course Serving of Quotes!

My preferred seasonings on things patriotic- chew thoroughly:

George Bernard Shaw:
Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all others because you were born in it.

Mark Twain:
The government is merely a servant -- merely a temporary servant; it cannot be its prerogative to determine what is right and what is wrong, and decide who is a patriot and who isn't. Its function is to obey orders, not originate them.

Barbara Ehrenreich:
No matter that patriotism is too often the refuge of scoundrels. Dissent, rebellion, and all-around hell-raising remain the true duty of patriots.

Patriotism ruins history.

Howard Thurman:
During times of war, hatred becomes quite respectable, even though it has to masquerade often under the guise of patriotism.

Ralph Waldo Emerson:
When a whole nation is roaring Patriotism at the top of its voice, I am fain to explore the cleanness of its hands and the purity of its heart.

Pablo Casals:
The love of one's country is a splendid thing. But why should love stop at the border?

H. L. Mencken:
The notion that a radical is one who hates his country is naïve and usually idiotic. He is, more likely, one who likes his country more than the rest of us, and is thus more disturbed than the rest of us when he sees it debauched. He is not a bad citizen turning to crime; he is a good citizen driven to despair.

Friday, August 27, 2004

Your Daily Quote

Diplomacy is the art of saying "Nice doggie" until you can find a rock.
Will Rogers 1879-1935

"COUGAR" slang now inducted into the Canadian Oxford Dictionary

When my brother and my buddies back in Canada used to hang out, we came up with a term for older women on the prowl. Since young women were- ahem... pussy or kittens, it naturally followed that older women, a little more predatorial or on the prowl, would be cougars.
Yeah, they could have been panthers or tigers, but cougar seemed more fitting, what with the "C" alliteration to cat and, of course, that "cu... word."
Lo and behold, either the term spread like wildfire, or we were unknowingly involved in a hundredth- monkey syndrome of universal thought, 'cause the word Cougar has just been added to the Canadian edition of the Oxford dictionary.
Check out the link- there's a few other tasty and uniquely Canuck additions.

Thursday, August 26, 2004

Quote of the Day (ahead of his time?)

"Why blame conspiracy when human stupidity explains so much?"
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749-1832)

You know, I think I may start throwing these up whenever I see fit.
Might end up being quote of the week or even quote of the afternoon, depending
on my attention span at the time.

Thursday, August 05, 2004

"You got something in my hair that night,
the stars were bright,
San Fernando.......pppfffffft"

Breaking News! Not for the Faint-Hearted

audio clip -click to play

Tuesday, August 03, 2004

Soul-mates Finally Explained


A term used widely, with glassy-eyes- means nothing.
Here's why.

Originally the term soul-mates was used to define the mystical reunion of people in this lifetime who had once been in love (or in bed) in a previous lifetime. This longed for reuniting presupposes a belief in reincarnation. So far so good.

However, to further romanticize the issue and remove it's possibility from the grasp of you and most of your neighbors, the exalted soul-mate, the "twin-flame", was introduced. Now this twin-flame, if you were lucky or evolved enough, was purported to be an actual split off your own soul. Your own bad self.
So, to meet a twin-flame soul-mate was to join with your highest self and realize unity in it's absolute fullest. This was deemed rare and elusive, unless you ordered by midnight tonight.

Well, the new-age books started cranking out reincarnation and soul-mate books but didn't want to leave anybody out on account of the twin-flame velvet rope effect. This carrot on the stick held by the self-improvement group got lowered progressively enough so that we could all gobble a bit and chew on it.

I mean, first it got watered down to where you should maybe forget the twin-flame thing and just find a soul-mate while you got good enough at evolving, or maybe transcending evolution altogether. And they had to add in that we could have several soul-mates, because if yours died, wouldn't you be pissed? Nah- just get another!

Next it became, "you know, if it's too hard to divorce this oaf you've never shared a past-life experience with, you can just work at deepening your soul connection, therefore transforming yourselves into soul-mates." Doesn't that sound a little reminiscent of plain and simple loving someone? At this point, the term soul-mates means nothing.
So, now when I hear or read of someone holding out for a soul-mate relationship, I'm thinking- is that it? Anything else?!

But if we admit this watered-down version is really one defined by the book mill, in order to cater to everyone, and not by the true, romantic reincarnationist out there, we can get to my point.

First we lay the foundation, since we've already embraced reincarnation (nice rhyme). And, we are up on our metaphysical principles enough to remember, and feel- that time is an illusion. Time to us, now as mystics of course, is both infinite and infinitesimal, and basically meaningless since we made the whole thing up.

The effect this has on a series of lifetimes (assuming they are serial and not parallel) is to blend them together into, really, one big long lifetime- with a few seams in there. Little hiccups in the flow where you were perhaps the opposite sex, sacrifice to the gods, or selling rubber crutches- whatever. Past life, present life, future life, who cares, right? Because we've now agreed they're all the same.

Now at the end of our distorted logic, it's not hard to figure out that when I'm finally reunited with my long lost soul-mate, I'm effectively running into an ex-girlfriend.

Are you ecstatic? Tell me again the exciting romantic part! What about getting some strange!!!?

So, when your next date gets that wistful look and confides her deep longing for a soul-mate relationship, tell her you don't want to hear about her ex-boyfriends- the past is the past, man.

A.D.D.- Parallel Definition offered

Say, folks-

Do you ever wonder what it might be like to step out of a Mercedes G-Wagon and glide past the valet into the local Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf, larger than life?

What it would be like peering through sunglasses (worn indoors), gabbing loudly on your cellular soother, everyone's adoring eyes falling upon you because you've been mistaken for some actor on a reality show?

Me neither.
I got enough attention when I was a kid.

I wasn't deficient in attention. Therefore, no Attention Deficit Disorder.